Change and Struggle

There is no real, substantive change without struggle. Having had to sit through meetings for most of this week as the organization that I work for as they attempt redefine themselves as the enter into the next century it occurs to me that no real change happens without struggle. Struggle is never easy and sometimes does not lead to positive results, but it is inevitable. We all struggle, personally and corporately.

Struggle occurs as we continue to grow and change. Age brings change, and anybody who has gone through adolescence knows that growing older is another level of change. Change of location, vocation or relationship brings struggle. Often this struggle is both inside and outside. Inside your heart and mind strives to make sense of the change. Tears may be shed or joy experience, but in either case it is still a form of struggle. Outside everyone who has any contact with others understands that all relationships bring struggles. A constant renegotiation of the relationship is absolutely necessary. Any two people in relationship have to continue to work on that relationship if it is to last. This too is a form struggle.

Struggles also are part of our spiritual life. Throughout the Bible God’s people have struggled with God. Jacob wrestled with God at Penel, trying to get a hold of what God wanted from him. Paul, according to Acts, kicked against the prodding of his heart until Jesus got his attention on the Damascus road. God is a God of the struggle. God promises never to leave us or forsake us, even amidst of our struggles. That in our most isolated time, God is with us. Thanks be too God.

I am struggling on several different fronts these days. Professionally and personally my struggles have been many. Relocating to a new area, building new relationships, being so far from my loved ones, struggles in a very demanding career, extensive travel and times isolated from others due to that travel have all contributed to that struggle. The only constant is the presence of God in my life, even at times when I don’t feel that presence. I am weary of the struggle. I am ready for a time of stasis. God grant me a time to find an anchor. Until then, thanks be to God I remain:

Lost in Grace,

Marty Cauley, Pastor

Gracious God, I need a time without struggle. A time of respite and stasis. Abide with me as I strive to find peace, your greatest gift. During the season we celebrate your coming, come again and grant peace on earth, and let it begin with me. Amen

525,600 Minutes

On the way back from Durham we stopped in Asheville to see Rent, the movie adaptation of the very successful Broadway musical. I knew that it was a deeply written play about the inter-relationships of a group of people in Bohemian New York but I was in no way prepared for the intensity of the work. The driving theme was about the precious nature of life and how to measure the time you have and make the most of it. Again, it seems to me, that God is sending me the same message over and over again.

How do you measure a year? When you look back at the last twelve months? By what standard do you count the days you have spent? Do you measure it in laughter or love lost? In tears or fears or moments of pure bliss? There were times during the show when I felt hot tears on my cheeks and felt the love and the loss that was being portrayed so deeply it was as if I was part of the drama, and not just an observer of a motion picture.

The holidays always do this too me. Since I was a child I have always spent part of the holidays looking back to figure out what I was supposed to learn. What is it that you can learn from your heart melting into tears? What is it that can be gained by watching hundreds of young adults on the side of a mountain on a clear mountain night speak of things holy that God has done in their lives? What lesson from closing of a door you thought would always be open and from the opening of another quite unexpectedly? What great teaching lies in holding hands with a friend and just sitting in silence? What clear message from the voices of those crying in the wilderness? What have the last 525,600 minutes taught me?

By the end of the year I think I’ll publish a blog on the things I’ve learned this year. Right now a lesson I’m learning from Jesus and his relationships with those closest to him. It is worth the risk of being hurt to let people get close enough to you to see your flaws (not that Jesus was flawed…you know what I mean…). Jesus let people get close even though He knew that in the context of those relationships He would be betrayed and denied by those who claimed to love Him most. That is because He knew what we need to know, that real significance only comes from within the context of real relationships. I have been guilty of keeping people at a safe distance, not letting them get real close. Only in the past year have I begun letting my guard down and letting more and more people get closer and closer. It has been hard, but if I am going to make the most of the next 525,600 minutes it is essential. In the end, it won’t matter what kind of car I drive or how big the house I live in is, what will matter is who I have been in relationship with and how I have loved. The world changes one relationship at a time. Let’s change the world.

I remain:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Life as a Chalk Line

It is funny how some things stick with you. I wrote in my blog on Sunday about walking by the crime scene and seeing the chalk line left over from the night before. How police officers were milling around the crime scene and how somber were the faces of those who had been caught up in the drama of life and death quite unexpectedly. I did not really think too much about it at the time but the images of the tortured faces and the starkness of the thick white line on the black pavement has hung around.

I woke up this morning around 2 a.m. wondering how my life would be different if I knew that tonight my life would be reduced to a chalk line. What if I knew that the things I did today would be the last things I would ever do? Who would I call and tell them that I loved them one more time? Who would I seek out to resolve difficulty and differences, what guilt would I lay aside and what joy would I pursue if I only knew?

The biblical metaphor for the fleeting essence of life is a vapor or a mist. That is the biblical equivalent of a chalk line. The scriptural author reminds us that life in all of its complexities and difficulties is not guaranteed, that it can be blown away with the changing of the winds.

I used to say that my goal was to have one thousand people attend my funeral. That it didn’t matter if I left this earth penniless if I had spent my last breath adding value to others, that would be enough for me. I really don’t care how many people show up to mourn my passing as much as I am concerned with living a life of significance. That is why I do what I do, because I believe in my heart that it matters. The investment of every sleepless night and endless day is worth it if one young person gets connected to God and discovers his or her God-shaped destiny. If the people I am in relationship with count it a blessing to be in relationship with me and I add some value to their life and help them live more passionately. That is a life worth pursuing. So, during this week of giving thanks I want to strive to renew my commitment to do the following…I want to:

Live passionately
Love with abandon
Laugh loudly and often
Weep heartily to wash away life’s pain
Pursue significance over success

Until next time I remain:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Gracious God, I know you have called me to live a life of significance and I confess I often fail to seize the destiny you have called me to. Forgive me. Grant me the ability to be who You have called me to be. To let go of what it out of my hands, to embrace those who you have put in my path and to love without fear of loss. In the name of the One who lived and loved that we might fully live, Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen

Morning & God’s Second Chances

I am a morning person. Though my schedule often does not allow it since most of my ministry carries me late into the night more often than not, I still love mornings. Mornings are fresh and new. Especially those late autumn mornings like this one when everything is cool and crisp. Leaves crackle under your feet as you walk and the air smells of winter that is just over the horizon..

I am on Eastern Standard Time while the rest of Nashville, where I am working this weekend, is on Central Time, meaning that I’m up an hour or so before the rest of the world. With nothing to do until noon in a strange town I just started walking. During this walk in the cool air I was reminded how wonderful morning walks can be. Everything is new. The sun, just peaking over the horizon, reminds us that God is always breaking through with a new dawn to overwhelm the darkness in our lives.

Mornings remind me of resurrection. I don’ t know about you, but I am always better after I have slept and when I allow myself to wake up without the troublesome noise of an alarm. No matter what happens the evening before, the sun always comes up and a new dawn is born. That serves to remind me that our God is a God of second chances. We get to start over afresh. It is not that what is before is gone, but there is at least the chance to reframe it and begin anew. Relationships that have fallen upon dark nights of their existence may be able to see dawn again. Hope that was lost in the prior evenings darkness can be restored with the warming grace of the Son. The light of the morning allows us to see things again in a new way.

Ironically, however, just as I was reflecting upon the awesome power of grace and God’s unending pursuit of resurrection in our lives I happened upon a crime scene. Just like the one’s you see on television with yellow tape, half a dozen police officers and a chalk line drawn in the middle of the street. The moment in time, carried over from the previous evening, was frozen. Cars were still in the middle of the road, nothing had moved since whatever happened, happened. For somebody it would not be a day of resurrection, it would be a day of trial. Some family had lost a son or brother. Somebody had lost a friend by an act of violence. Seeing the strain upon the officers faces and the pain of the bystanders standing over and against the beauty of the dawning sun made me cherish the dawn all the more. I prayed silently for those families affected by this event and desired to hold those I love more closely upon my return to them.

I want to take more morning walks. Spend more time savoring the power of resurrection. Listen more intently to God’s voice in the rustle of the leaves and see God’s face in the waking of the sun over the horizon.

God, grant that I may cherish ever dawn as if it were my last. Let me honor those I love with a love that is true, authentic and without condition. Help me to live and love like you love me. Amen

See You on the Journey

Native American speaker, Ray Buckley, was speaking at an event I attended this weekend and explained that in his tribe there is no word for good bye. They do not believe that any parting is final. Rather, they say a word, far beyond my ability to spell or pronounce, that means “I will see you on the journey.” Additionally, he went on to explain the concept for his people of the parting is the claiming that that person would be remembered. Not remembered in our modern understanding of simply recalling who they are, but as a part of who you are you are connected to who they are. To remember them means that they are now part of you.

Every person influences others. I once heard my friend Tim Elmore (www.growingleaders.com) say that even the most introverted person contacts and influences up to 10,000 persons in their lifetime. What if we too the two truths from Ray to heart. What if we really began to realize that every person we remember becomes a part of who we are? What if we really believed that no parting was final, there would always be another time on the journey when we would encounter them again? How would we then live?

Relationships are about remembering. We retell the stories of our meetings and partings as part of that process. By retelling and re-membering each story, we reclaim and restore that person’s part of our lives and incorporate it into us. We are designed to be part of one another. Relationships thrive when we are able to recount the positive stories with more passion than the negative ones. They dissolve when the negative stories overwhelm the positive. It is hard sometimes to embrace the best parts when the worst parts seem most evident.

Jesus had a similar understanding. In the service of communion we recall His words when we say “do this in remembrance of me.” What he was really saying, similar to what Ray explained about re-membering, was that when we did these simple acts we would bring Him present to where we are. Jesus shows up by the divine mystery. We practice the sacrament to help us to remember the best parts of our relationship with God. It is not that we do not struggle with fear and doubt, but that despite these “worst parts” God will loves completely. It is in these divine re-membering moments that God is most real to us. Where we are able to embrace the joy of Christ, to embrace the forgiveness offered in the divine sacrifice and seek restoration of relationship with God and others.

As I received the sacrament at this event, I knew Christ was re-membered in it. I began thinking of the relationships in my life and began reclaiming the best parts and releasing the worst parts because I know that every one of those relationships is part of who I am. I know that I will see them somewhere down the road, on the journey. That no parting is ever really final, at least so long as I remain…

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Do you know where you are in time and space?

I was allowed to sit in on a rehearsal at UNCA (www.unca.edu ) recently with my friend the director and observe her as she worked with collegiate actors. She may be one of the best coaches of young adults I have ever seen. They respond to her with enthusiasm and true respect. I am sure that comes from the vulnerability and authenticity with which she presents herself, her material and her direction. She aptly separates the critical direction of their performance from their identity. During the evening’s rehearsal, at every pause or scene change, she would ask a question that caught me off guard. Having done several plays and productions throughout high school and early in college I had never heard this type of centering used. It seems to me that it speaks to life as much as it does to theater. She would have them stand perfectly still for a few seconds, close their eyes and ask them “Do you know where you are in time and space?”

That is a question that could be used during any time of spiritual retreat. In the midst of crammed calendars and packed Palm Pilots we never stop to assess our global positioning. We do not stop and look around at the scene that is our life and determine where we are in time and space. What season are we in, where are we heading, what is God attempting to teach us by the circumstance and situation in which we find ourselves? Not only do we not assess where we are, but we do not take time to see where the others in our lives may be. Why has God brought this person into my life at this time? Why are we called during these days to journey together?

The author of Ecclesiastes reminds us that that for everything in life there is a time and a season. There are times to dance, sing, laugh, cry, mourn and dance. We are where we are because of God’s sense of time. Time is a demonstration of value. That which you value you invest time in. Time, being the only resource that is not replaceable, is your most precious gift. If we do not know where we are or stop and see what God is trying to convey to us we will squander God’s most precious gift.

Forgive me, gracious God for not stopping to assess where I am in time and space. God grant me the wisdom to reflect, the courage to assess and the ability to discern where it is that I am to be so that I can better hear your voice about where I am to go. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

Life in Neutral…

“Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom…May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us—yes, establish the work of our hands.” Psalm 90:12 & 17

Living life in neutral means coasting along without direction. I have met quite a few people this week who seem to be living life in neutral. They move through each day without passion or intensity. Life without fire or fascination is not really living.

A few weeks ago I picked up a rental car from our local Enterprise. They do a good job there and take care of me well, most of the time. My transportation plans changed at the last minute so I had to get a car on short notice. I was give a standard mid-sized sedan with one little problem, it would get stuck in neutral. Now the good news is that you could eventually get it into gear with a little “persuasion.” The bad news is that it preferred neutral. Neutral is the gear that you use when you don’t want to go anywhere or engage motion. It just sits there, or worse, rolls down the hill that you park upon. When you are stuck in neutral and can’t even go in park you have to park on flat surfaces and make sure you use the parking brake.

Just going along. People who live in neutral are those who just go along. They don’t have a plan, a goal or a calling. They haven’t stopped long enough to listen for God’s beckoning upon their life to do something bigger than they can imagine or they have stopped so long that they can’t get it in gear again. Now don’t get me wrong, we all need some neutral times in our lives. We need some time to rest and refocus, but that should be a time that allows you to get your feet back on the ground so that you can rediscover God’s call upon you and then put it back in gear and keep going.

I tell my students that if you find something to do with your life that you would do whether they paid you to do it or not, then you have found your calling. That is my passion in life, helping others discovers their calling. Unveiling the call that God places upon their heart that gives them meaning and purpose in life. God is continuing to unveil God’s plan for my life. That is the amazing thing about God, the plan is never done! The plan is always unfolding.

The past couple of months have been a rough patch in my journey. The temptation to get stuck in neutral was very real. Thankfully I have people who pray for me and continue to push me to keep seeking God’s presences and listening to God’s voice. If you don’t have those people in your life, open yourself up for God to provide those voices into your life.

What’s next? I’m not sure. I mean I have a multi-page to do list on two different legal pads (a future blog will focus on to do lists…working title is “I’m a Yellow Fellow…lol) so there is plenty to do. The key is to divide the important from the urgent. God help me focus on the urgent.

“Lord help me faithfully to journey along my road, holding my rightful place in the great procession humanity; help me above all to recognize You and to help You in all my pilgrim[age].” Michel Quiost

Today’s Prayer: My Lord and my King, the One who defines me, focuses me and refines me by fire guide my steps, direct my paths and unveil your will for my life. Allow me to correct my course as I go into the future. Put those around me who You have chosen to share the journey with me and help me to recognize them when I find them. In the name of Jesus who continually shows me the way I pray, amen.