525,600 Minutes

On the way back from Durham we stopped in Asheville to see Rent, the movie adaptation of the very successful Broadway musical. I knew that it was a deeply written play about the inter-relationships of a group of people in Bohemian New York but I was in no way prepared for the intensity of the work. The driving theme was about the precious nature of life and how to measure the time you have and make the most of it. Again, it seems to me, that God is sending me the same message over and over again.

How do you measure a year? When you look back at the last twelve months? By what standard do you count the days you have spent? Do you measure it in laughter or love lost? In tears or fears or moments of pure bliss? There were times during the show when I felt hot tears on my cheeks and felt the love and the loss that was being portrayed so deeply it was as if I was part of the drama, and not just an observer of a motion picture.

The holidays always do this too me. Since I was a child I have always spent part of the holidays looking back to figure out what I was supposed to learn. What is it that you can learn from your heart melting into tears? What is it that can be gained by watching hundreds of young adults on the side of a mountain on a clear mountain night speak of things holy that God has done in their lives? What lesson from closing of a door you thought would always be open and from the opening of another quite unexpectedly? What great teaching lies in holding hands with a friend and just sitting in silence? What clear message from the voices of those crying in the wilderness? What have the last 525,600 minutes taught me?

By the end of the year I think I’ll publish a blog on the things I’ve learned this year. Right now a lesson I’m learning from Jesus and his relationships with those closest to him. It is worth the risk of being hurt to let people get close enough to you to see your flaws (not that Jesus was flawed…you know what I mean…). Jesus let people get close even though He knew that in the context of those relationships He would be betrayed and denied by those who claimed to love Him most. That is because He knew what we need to know, that real significance only comes from within the context of real relationships. I have been guilty of keeping people at a safe distance, not letting them get real close. Only in the past year have I begun letting my guard down and letting more and more people get closer and closer. It has been hard, but if I am going to make the most of the next 525,600 minutes it is essential. In the end, it won’t matter what kind of car I drive or how big the house I live in is, what will matter is who I have been in relationship with and how I have loved. The world changes one relationship at a time. Let’s change the world.

I remain:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Life as a Chalk Line

It is funny how some things stick with you. I wrote in my blog on Sunday about walking by the crime scene and seeing the chalk line left over from the night before. How police officers were milling around the crime scene and how somber were the faces of those who had been caught up in the drama of life and death quite unexpectedly. I did not really think too much about it at the time but the images of the tortured faces and the starkness of the thick white line on the black pavement has hung around.

I woke up this morning around 2 a.m. wondering how my life would be different if I knew that tonight my life would be reduced to a chalk line. What if I knew that the things I did today would be the last things I would ever do? Who would I call and tell them that I loved them one more time? Who would I seek out to resolve difficulty and differences, what guilt would I lay aside and what joy would I pursue if I only knew?

The biblical metaphor for the fleeting essence of life is a vapor or a mist. That is the biblical equivalent of a chalk line. The scriptural author reminds us that life in all of its complexities and difficulties is not guaranteed, that it can be blown away with the changing of the winds.

I used to say that my goal was to have one thousand people attend my funeral. That it didn’t matter if I left this earth penniless if I had spent my last breath adding value to others, that would be enough for me. I really don’t care how many people show up to mourn my passing as much as I am concerned with living a life of significance. That is why I do what I do, because I believe in my heart that it matters. The investment of every sleepless night and endless day is worth it if one young person gets connected to God and discovers his or her God-shaped destiny. If the people I am in relationship with count it a blessing to be in relationship with me and I add some value to their life and help them live more passionately. That is a life worth pursuing. So, during this week of giving thanks I want to strive to renew my commitment to do the following…I want to:

Live passionately
Love with abandon
Laugh loudly and often
Weep heartily to wash away life’s pain
Pursue significance over success

Until next time I remain:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Gracious God, I know you have called me to live a life of significance and I confess I often fail to seize the destiny you have called me to. Forgive me. Grant me the ability to be who You have called me to be. To let go of what it out of my hands, to embrace those who you have put in my path and to love without fear of loss. In the name of the One who lived and loved that we might fully live, Jesus Christ, I pray. Amen

Morning & God’s Second Chances

I am a morning person. Though my schedule often does not allow it since most of my ministry carries me late into the night more often than not, I still love mornings. Mornings are fresh and new. Especially those late autumn mornings like this one when everything is cool and crisp. Leaves crackle under your feet as you walk and the air smells of winter that is just over the horizon..

I am on Eastern Standard Time while the rest of Nashville, where I am working this weekend, is on Central Time, meaning that I’m up an hour or so before the rest of the world. With nothing to do until noon in a strange town I just started walking. During this walk in the cool air I was reminded how wonderful morning walks can be. Everything is new. The sun, just peaking over the horizon, reminds us that God is always breaking through with a new dawn to overwhelm the darkness in our lives.

Mornings remind me of resurrection. I don’ t know about you, but I am always better after I have slept and when I allow myself to wake up without the troublesome noise of an alarm. No matter what happens the evening before, the sun always comes up and a new dawn is born. That serves to remind me that our God is a God of second chances. We get to start over afresh. It is not that what is before is gone, but there is at least the chance to reframe it and begin anew. Relationships that have fallen upon dark nights of their existence may be able to see dawn again. Hope that was lost in the prior evenings darkness can be restored with the warming grace of the Son. The light of the morning allows us to see things again in a new way.

Ironically, however, just as I was reflecting upon the awesome power of grace and God’s unending pursuit of resurrection in our lives I happened upon a crime scene. Just like the one’s you see on television with yellow tape, half a dozen police officers and a chalk line drawn in the middle of the street. The moment in time, carried over from the previous evening, was frozen. Cars were still in the middle of the road, nothing had moved since whatever happened, happened. For somebody it would not be a day of resurrection, it would be a day of trial. Some family had lost a son or brother. Somebody had lost a friend by an act of violence. Seeing the strain upon the officers faces and the pain of the bystanders standing over and against the beauty of the dawning sun made me cherish the dawn all the more. I prayed silently for those families affected by this event and desired to hold those I love more closely upon my return to them.

I want to take more morning walks. Spend more time savoring the power of resurrection. Listen more intently to God’s voice in the rustle of the leaves and see God’s face in the waking of the sun over the horizon.

God, grant that I may cherish ever dawn as if it were my last. Let me honor those I love with a love that is true, authentic and without condition. Help me to live and love like you love me. Amen

See You on the Journey

Native American speaker, Ray Buckley, was speaking at an event I attended this weekend and explained that in his tribe there is no word for good bye. They do not believe that any parting is final. Rather, they say a word, far beyond my ability to spell or pronounce, that means “I will see you on the journey.” Additionally, he went on to explain the concept for his people of the parting is the claiming that that person would be remembered. Not remembered in our modern understanding of simply recalling who they are, but as a part of who you are you are connected to who they are. To remember them means that they are now part of you.

Every person influences others. I once heard my friend Tim Elmore (www.growingleaders.com) say that even the most introverted person contacts and influences up to 10,000 persons in their lifetime. What if we too the two truths from Ray to heart. What if we really began to realize that every person we remember becomes a part of who we are? What if we really believed that no parting was final, there would always be another time on the journey when we would encounter them again? How would we then live?

Relationships are about remembering. We retell the stories of our meetings and partings as part of that process. By retelling and re-membering each story, we reclaim and restore that person’s part of our lives and incorporate it into us. We are designed to be part of one another. Relationships thrive when we are able to recount the positive stories with more passion than the negative ones. They dissolve when the negative stories overwhelm the positive. It is hard sometimes to embrace the best parts when the worst parts seem most evident.

Jesus had a similar understanding. In the service of communion we recall His words when we say “do this in remembrance of me.” What he was really saying, similar to what Ray explained about re-membering, was that when we did these simple acts we would bring Him present to where we are. Jesus shows up by the divine mystery. We practice the sacrament to help us to remember the best parts of our relationship with God. It is not that we do not struggle with fear and doubt, but that despite these “worst parts” God will loves completely. It is in these divine re-membering moments that God is most real to us. Where we are able to embrace the joy of Christ, to embrace the forgiveness offered in the divine sacrifice and seek restoration of relationship with God and others.

As I received the sacrament at this event, I knew Christ was re-membered in it. I began thinking of the relationships in my life and began reclaiming the best parts and releasing the worst parts because I know that every one of those relationships is part of who I am. I know that I will see them somewhere down the road, on the journey. That no parting is ever really final, at least so long as I remain…

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Do you know where you are in time and space?

I was allowed to sit in on a rehearsal at UNCA (www.unca.edu ) recently with my friend the director and observe her as she worked with collegiate actors. She may be one of the best coaches of young adults I have ever seen. They respond to her with enthusiasm and true respect. I am sure that comes from the vulnerability and authenticity with which she presents herself, her material and her direction. She aptly separates the critical direction of their performance from their identity. During the evening’s rehearsal, at every pause or scene change, she would ask a question that caught me off guard. Having done several plays and productions throughout high school and early in college I had never heard this type of centering used. It seems to me that it speaks to life as much as it does to theater. She would have them stand perfectly still for a few seconds, close their eyes and ask them “Do you know where you are in time and space?”

That is a question that could be used during any time of spiritual retreat. In the midst of crammed calendars and packed Palm Pilots we never stop to assess our global positioning. We do not stop and look around at the scene that is our life and determine where we are in time and space. What season are we in, where are we heading, what is God attempting to teach us by the circumstance and situation in which we find ourselves? Not only do we not assess where we are, but we do not take time to see where the others in our lives may be. Why has God brought this person into my life at this time? Why are we called during these days to journey together?

The author of Ecclesiastes reminds us that that for everything in life there is a time and a season. There are times to dance, sing, laugh, cry, mourn and dance. We are where we are because of God’s sense of time. Time is a demonstration of value. That which you value you invest time in. Time, being the only resource that is not replaceable, is your most precious gift. If we do not know where we are or stop and see what God is trying to convey to us we will squander God’s most precious gift.

Forgive me, gracious God for not stopping to assess where I am in time and space. God grant me the wisdom to reflect, the courage to assess and the ability to discern where it is that I am to be so that I can better hear your voice about where I am to go. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

Life in Neutral…

“Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom…May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us—yes, establish the work of our hands.” Psalm 90:12 & 17

Living life in neutral means coasting along without direction. I have met quite a few people this week who seem to be living life in neutral. They move through each day without passion or intensity. Life without fire or fascination is not really living.

A few weeks ago I picked up a rental car from our local Enterprise. They do a good job there and take care of me well, most of the time. My transportation plans changed at the last minute so I had to get a car on short notice. I was give a standard mid-sized sedan with one little problem, it would get stuck in neutral. Now the good news is that you could eventually get it into gear with a little “persuasion.” The bad news is that it preferred neutral. Neutral is the gear that you use when you don’t want to go anywhere or engage motion. It just sits there, or worse, rolls down the hill that you park upon. When you are stuck in neutral and can’t even go in park you have to park on flat surfaces and make sure you use the parking brake.

Just going along. People who live in neutral are those who just go along. They don’t have a plan, a goal or a calling. They haven’t stopped long enough to listen for God’s beckoning upon their life to do something bigger than they can imagine or they have stopped so long that they can’t get it in gear again. Now don’t get me wrong, we all need some neutral times in our lives. We need some time to rest and refocus, but that should be a time that allows you to get your feet back on the ground so that you can rediscover God’s call upon you and then put it back in gear and keep going.

I tell my students that if you find something to do with your life that you would do whether they paid you to do it or not, then you have found your calling. That is my passion in life, helping others discovers their calling. Unveiling the call that God places upon their heart that gives them meaning and purpose in life. God is continuing to unveil God’s plan for my life. That is the amazing thing about God, the plan is never done! The plan is always unfolding.

The past couple of months have been a rough patch in my journey. The temptation to get stuck in neutral was very real. Thankfully I have people who pray for me and continue to push me to keep seeking God’s presences and listening to God’s voice. If you don’t have those people in your life, open yourself up for God to provide those voices into your life.

What’s next? I’m not sure. I mean I have a multi-page to do list on two different legal pads (a future blog will focus on to do lists…working title is “I’m a Yellow Fellow…lol) so there is plenty to do. The key is to divide the important from the urgent. God help me focus on the urgent.

“Lord help me faithfully to journey along my road, holding my rightful place in the great procession humanity; help me above all to recognize You and to help You in all my pilgrim[age].” Michel Quiost

Today’s Prayer: My Lord and my King, the One who defines me, focuses me and refines me by fire guide my steps, direct my paths and unveil your will for my life. Allow me to correct my course as I go into the future. Put those around me who You have chosen to share the journey with me and help me to recognize them when I find them. In the name of Jesus who continually shows me the way I pray, amen.

Authentic Love

God has an interesting way of getting through to me. When I am supposed to be getting a particular message God delivers it through a myriad of methods. That is probably because I am so hard-headed. It takes repeated assaults on my soul before I actually start hearing what God is saying. That is what has been happening with the concept of authentic love.

My counselor, the smartest woman I have ever met, says I have a problem understanding love. I just don’t get it. Especially authentic, unconditional love is a difficult concept for me. I have spent my entire life trying to earn and deserve love, as such I have a hard time receiving love that comes without conditions. I thought I was alone in this until I picked up Donald Millers’ book Blue Like Jazz and realized that it is a pretty common situation.

Authentic love is completely counter-cultural. As a matter of fact, in our “you get what you deserve” culture, it seems almost impossible. When I read Romans 12:9-16 I begin to see God’s model for real, authentic love.

Authentic love is essentially three things:

Unconditional: there are no strings put upon authentic love. It is love that loves despite strife and struggle. It is Hosea who demonstrated God’s love by loving his wife who had become a prostitute and then brought her back into his home and restored her fully. It is love that dies to self so that God can be glorified. It is love without expectation of repayment.

Unceasing: “Love never fails.” It doesn’t stop. It has to be expressed. It beats in your chest with every heartbeat. God demonstrates this by allowing the Holy Spirit to be with us continually. We are called to love and continue to love despite doubt, fear, tribulation or “feeling.” By “feeling” I mean that we love when we don’t feel like loving and when we don’t feel lovable. Authentic love never stops.

Unfathomable: authentic love is not measurable by human scale. It is God-sized because it is God-given. The authentic love we are called to live comes as a response our reception of God’s love. We do not have the ability to earn it and we do not deserve it we just have to receive it.

So what keeps us from receiving and living authentic love? One thing I struggle with is faults, my own and others. My own faults convince me, in the dark nights of my soul, that I am unlovable. They become barriers to vulnerability and intimacy. I hold back. Those faults lead me to see faults in others which are used to act as excuses to avoid intimacy. I have a lot of acquaintances but few real close friends. I am learning to let more and more people in and it is risky business. The risk of rejection hangs out there. Face it, most people prefer the façade to the real thing. I am learning that those who stay by you, no matter what your faults, really demonstrate authentic love to you and allow you to “get it.”

There are three ingredients that I see in authentic love:

1. Truth: being real, authentic, unguarded is essential. Truth is a hard concept because it means we have to be real with ourselves first and then let others in.
2. Openness: being known is a key ingredient. It is easy to pretend to love if you don’t let anyone in. Sometimes when you let them they see too much and draw back. Don’t ask me how to handle that? I don’t know except that you keep being open and know that authentic love is worth any price.
3. GRACE: accepting undeserved love of God and others is the primary ingredient upon which all others hinge. Love is not a debt to pay but a gift to receive. It is something we crave, will do anything to get and don’t have a clue what to do with it once we have it.

Lastly, about authentic love it is intentional, requires vulnerability and demands humility. Three words our culture really does not embrace. It is intentional meaning it is done on purpose. It is a conscious, continuous act of the will. It is the decision to love in spite of circumstance. It is vulnerable because it puts your heart out to be broken. It is humble because it requires a “others” mindset. Realizing that, as Miller states, we are not the star of our own movie with others as supporting characters. Rather, we are players in God’s great passion and living according to God’s purpose.

I have experienced authentic love. I doubted it. I struggled with it. God give me the ability to recognize it and receive it again. Then, like Paul exhorts in Romans, I will be able to “live in harmony.” Thanks be to God that I remain:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Gracious God, grant me peace. Grant me the ability to give authentic love. Love without condition, expecting nothing, dying to self and thereby fully living in the purpose you have for me. Amen

Please Note: Three streams have fed this meditation. One is my recent study of Barth and Barlett and theology of forgiveness and love. The second is Donald Millers’ book Blue Like Jazz. Lastly, the message presented by the core group of Evergreen Community Church in Raleigh on Oct. 30, 2005.

Tough Days

The last seven days have been really tough. I have not only been on the road for most of them, had a blow out on I-85 at 70+mph and nearly crashed my car, I have been through one of the toughest transitions of my life. Life is about transitions. Scripture is about transitions. The world does not remain static.

Somebody I once knew was fond of saying, "Today ain't like yesterday, but you get to determine your tomorrow." Refining tomorrow is what the Christian journey is all about when you boil it down to brass tacks. Not just the "Sweet by an by" tomorrow, which is important, but the tomorrow of our reality. The tomorrow we have to live into. We serve a "do over" God who allows us to open each day as a day of possibility.

Don't you hate it when somebody tells you your own advice back to you? My friend Pam has told me multiple times in the past few weeks to "speak it into existence." To allow the words of my mouth to take hold in my heart. Not to get discouraged about the multiple strands of my life that seem to be unraveling and pulling me apart. She encouraged me realize, here she goes again, that "God will work it out because we are God's people." Wow, I give good advice, to others! I hate to take my own medicine, but she is right.

I am impatient. It is a character flaw. I look for the shortest line in the grocery (and never seem to get in it), I get antsy when I have to wait too long. I don't like it when my plans go astray. This week when my tire first blew I was upset that I'd be late, then I realized how close I came to really crashing my car. It tipped up enough to feel like it might roll over on I-85 and traffic was horrible. It is a wonder that I did not smash into another vehicle. As I stood there with trucks going by at close to 90 mph it dawned on me that it is God's schedule, not mine. I believe I have a vision for my life, given to me by God, of God's preferred future. Right now it does not seem to be working out. Actually, it seems to be going in reverse, and I hate that! I want to get to where God wants me to go, but I guess I want to get there by my plan. I hate it when my plan doesn't work...but it isn't really my plan is it? Aaargh!

I get to be part of God's plan. I don't get to make God part of my plan. It is God's plan so guess what? It is God's timing. So, on I-85 I began, let me say that again began, to give the plans I had for these multiple strands of my life over to God, for God to handle in God's time. One of the great metaphors for God is a weaver, weaving so many cords together to make a beautiful blanket of life. It is a blanket whose most important threads often come with pain and struggle, the two things our culture wants to avoid, but cannot. So now I wait for God to weave and try give up control. I began to embrace not being in control but letting God be in control. I began to live the life I want to live, no the life God's wants for me, which is:

Lost in Grace,
Marty


Gracious and loving God who is in control, help me be out of control and give you control. Help me give up my tendency to try to control others and control outcomes when all I can control is my willingness to give control to you. Amen

Word for Today: Perservere

To endure, especially when encountering difficulty and trial. Whenever I hit a hard spot, and I've been hitting a few of those lately, I return to one of my favorite passages to meditate upon:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders, the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverence the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so thatyou will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

Hebrews 11, as I'm sure you know, is a list of all the OT saints. The beauty about them is that they were all a mess! God uses broken vessels to carry living water! Does that ever cease to amaze you? It doesn't me. We are broken...but usable.

The one word meditation for me today is "persevere." It will be my breath prayer as I seek the face of God. If you are limping, let me encourage you to join me in that prayer.

Have a great day! Keep the faith! I give thanks to God that despite my sin and struggles I remain:

Lost in Grace,
Marty

Summer 2006 Theme!

Go to www.sejumc.org for more information!

Reflections by the Lake…

Studies at Serenity

The following blogs are a spiritual enlightenment journal that I wrote will spending time in solitude and silence at my brother’s retreat at Lake Gaston. The post is long because that area is not served by wireless internet so I wrote each post and then cut and pasted into a single blog at the end of the reflection time of the first couple of days...perhaps more will come later.

Wednesday October 19, 2006

What is it about the moon?

What is it about the moon? Lovers kiss by it. Tides roll in by it. Farmers plant and harvest by it. Sailors navigate by it. Most of us just sit and look at it when it is like it is tonight.

Sitting on the shore of Lake Gaston tonight with a nearly full harvest moon hanging above the water like a silver ornament dangling in the sky, I wonder, what is it about the moon? The night is clear with the faintest hint of a breeze. The sky is painted deep blue with the softest whispers of clouds scattered about. It is a sight almost too beautiful not to share. It is a night that begs for a hand to hold as I stare at the moon. But here I sit, just God and I talking about relationships, ritual, reality and grace. Actually, as usual, I’m doing most of the talking.

While the beams of soft light dance across the rippling water I poured my heart out to my Creator. I wonder if He hears, don’t you? Why would the affairs of one so limited concern the One so omnipotent? Yet, here I sit, claiming two thousand plus years of faith teaching as I cry, “Abba!”

Then the “why” questions come…why me? Why now? Why not? Why God? Why? God just listens, as God always does. No easy answers given. No quick formula for success. Just the listening of an omniscient God hearing the struggles of a wayward child. A child clinging to the hope that he is…

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Do you ever just stop?

Lead me beside the still waters, restore my soul.

Do you ever just stop? Stopping is not my spiritual gift. I am guilty of believing activity breeds accomplishment. I am wrong. Activity really just breeds more activity.

I am soul weary from the pace of my life. There are times when doing good needs to give way to Sabbath rest. Where activity for activity’s sake becomes drudgery rather than ministry.

I guess I see this now because I find myself at a place of forced reflection and self-awareness. Five years ago I would never have stopped for four days to read, write, journal and reflect. I was too busy doing to focus upon being.

I have done nothing today. That is, from a consumerist, capitalistic frame of reference, I have done nothing. I have not produced a single widget to be sold at a profit. I have not manufactured or marketed a single thing. I have not worked my way steadily down an ever growing ‘to do’ list so that I can visibly see what I have done. As a confession, I have been up since 7:30 a.m. It is now 1:45 p.m. and I am still in my Superman pj pants and oversized ‘Big Dog’ t-shirt sitting by the lake. I have just remembered to eat lunch (peanut butter sandwich and milk if you must know). I have done nothing, nothing that shows anyway.

What I have done is more internal than external. I have prayed and written prayers. I have journaled page after page of reflections on life and love, fear and failure, hopes and heartaches, dreams and desires (I love alliteration!). I have come to points of revelation. I have struggled with conviction. I have embraced grace again and for the first time. I have pondered what it is to let go so that I can receive. I have meditated on what it means to be ‘out’ (meaning exhausted or empty) of control and let God be God! I have read and been read by the Gospel writers.

Today I have done nothing, I should do nothing more often…because something is being done in me. Thanks be to God I was lead to stop, so that I could remember what it is like to be:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

No moon tonight. The clouds have rolled in, the wind has picked up and the moon has disappeared behind a bank of dark clouds. No stars tonight. Like the moon their luminescence is shrouded with a blanket of darkness. But the moon is there, even if you don’t see it, and the stars still shine. Knowing they are there does not keep you from missing them when they are not present. I remain, in the dark and…

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Friday, October 21, 2005

Words…

I woke this morning with words on my mind. I love words if they capture the moment. Here is what God is doing in my life:

Reframe; restructure; rework; rehash; reconsider; redo; reinstate; resurface; release; reevaluate; renew; redeem; refocus; reestablish; refresh; reconfigure; reconstruct; reconcile; reform; redevelop; revolution; redesign; redirect; restore;

I told a friend the other day that all of the perimeters of my life are being shifted at the same time. There is not any part of my life left untouched. While I am sure great things will result from these seismic shifts, they are not easy. I am just holding on and waiting for the tremors to stop. I am:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

All You Have Is Today…

Those five words hit me like a brick. Sometimes you hear something over and over again but don’t really hear it until the right voice says it. Part of the thousand plus miles I’ve traveled in the past week took me to Georgia, again. Instead of keeping Hampton Inn in business I stayed with my cousin Jennie. Everybody needs a Jennie in their life.

You ever had anybody who loved you not matter what? Loved you even though you weren’t perfect, in fact loved that you weren’t? Somebody who was always on your side, knew all your trash and acted like a cheerleader no matter what? That is Jennie. We were discussing failures and flaws, sins and shortcomings, life, loosing and love. Most of all we talked about regrets and mistakes. Essentially what happens when you are so focused on your past problems that they are keeping you from living today, and then she said those words, “all you have is today.”

You see, Jennie is my hero. Several years ago she almost died from a severe attack of Crones disease. She spent most of the holiday season, between Thanksgiving and Christmas, in the hospital. She said she remembered praying, “don’t let me die in front of my daughter, don’t let me go until my husband is spiritually strong enough to raise my baby…” Wow, that is the prayer of a mother isn’t it? She survived but still deals with Crones every day and will for the rest of her life. It is terminal, it never goes away.

When somebody with a terminal illness tells you something about living life, I have learned, it is best to sit up and listen. Jennie lives each day like it will be her last. She and Jeff are people of modest means, living in a small, rural town in north Georgia. They don’t have expensive cars or lavish luxuries; there is an above ground pool, sometimes the next door neighbor’s chickens wander into their yard and the big deck that they call the “Redneck Riviera.” But no one on earth is richer than Jennie. She knows a lot about living and a lot about dying.

She told me that day that to live always worrying about what others are thinking is like not living at all. God gives us a new day, every day, to make up for the messes we made of yesterday. Then she said, “You can only live today.” It is not that you are exonerated from yesterday, but that living only happens in the present, you have to seize joy at every chance. Regret, according to Jennie, is the demon that steals today’s joy and tomorrow’s happiness.

Paul wrote to “run the race set before you…” Read that again when you have a chance. The only race you can run is the one you are in today. John Maxwell says we exaggerate the past, overestimate the future and undervalue today. I can’t go back and change my regrets, decisions or failures. I can only learn from them, make course corrections and do my best to live today. Thankfully, I remain:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Discovering Destiny and Doughnuts…

I love doughnuts. After loosing about 100 lbs. in the past eighteen months, they have been something that I have forsaken for the cause of better health. But like every red-blooded American, I believe that Krispy Kreme is one great institution of culinary excellence! The other night I was in KK for the first time in recent memory, drawn in by the demonic “HOT NOT” fluorescent sign. I decided to give into the temptation this once since my being near this small part of heaven was obviously providential.

As I waited for the doughnuts to come down the conveyor belt I was once again fascinated by the machine that turns cake dough into sweet morsels of manna. The machine was made for that one particular purpose, to make doughnuts. It can’t manufacture widgets or make candy, it only makes doughnuts. That machine if fulfilling its central purpose for existence. As I watched it work I thought of the continual existential questions that continue to mold my lfe…

o Why am I here?

o What difference can one person make?

o What is my real purpose in life?

o What is next for my life?

o How do I know what God wants for me?

This came after the previous day when I had sat in eleven hours of meeting, essentially my version of purgatory. As I sat there and worked hard to solve a myriad of problems, make plans to do things to reach more youth and young adults with the life transforming message of Christ, I could almost hear God whisper in my ear, “this is why you are here.” Suddenly I began to realize that everything I had done up to this time has prepared me for the job God has for me right now. That all of the jobs I have had from working at the Piggly Wiggly in high school, to my most recent ministry position with a struggling church plant, had all contributed to the base of knowledge that I carry with me. God’s hand has been with me the whole time, moving me along toward my God-shaped destiny.

Seasons of questions yield moments of revelation. I called my friend with that realization. It was like I was hit with a divine brick…I had a V-8 moment (wow!). Just like the doughnut machine was made to create doughnuts, I was created to be right here, right now. God’s will is a continually unfolding story. It is not a destination, it is ongoing travels of a spiritual journey that is never finished. Every road leads you to the next, prepares you for the next and allows you to navigate the difficulties ahead with the experiences of the past.

Am I finished asking existential questions? As Paul wrote in his epistles, “By no means!” Asking questions is what leads to precious moments of revelation. These moments of divine destiny discovery are worth the struggles of the times of questioning, and an excellent excuse to stop for doughnuts! I remain:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Theology of the Rear View Mirror…

I have driven a lot in the past ten days. Literally thousands of miles up and down the major highways of the southeast and I have to admit, I am exhausted. As I was driving I began to take notice of how much time I spend looking in the rear view mirror to keep up with what’s going on behind me and to see where I have been. Most of us don’t really use our mirrors as much as we learned to in Driver’s Ed. Remember those classes when we would diligently look back every few moments so that we could drive defensively? It is really amazing what the image in the mirror, the reflection of what is behind us, can teach us.

I am beginning to develop a deepening theology of the rear view mirror. That is hard for me to admit. I have always considered myself a leader and a leader constantly looks forward. We are always looking toward the horizon, trying to understand what the future holds and how we can best prepare for it. I am learning that the best way to prepare for the future is to learn from the past. Two things are certain: first, we rarely see God’s hand when we are in the middle of a struggle and God’s presence is right in front of us and, secondly God is most evident in the rear view mirror.

When we are struggling with situations, decisions and the overwhelming challenges right in front of us we wonder where God is. How many times in my life was I in the middle of the toughest times and felt that God was no where to be found? During the past year being separated from my daughter, starting a new position with incredible challenges and moving 250 miles away from my family all took their toll. There were days when I thought I had been abandoned by God or that when I took this ministry over I had answered the wrong call. Maybe God got the wrong number? It has literally been just this week that I have really began to live into the fact that God has called me to this time and place to do a work that all that has gone before has lead me to.

Looking back it seems so self-evident. God has been preparing me to be where I am. The people I have contact with, the resources I use, the things I’ve read all have converged to help me design ministries for youth, young adults and youth/young adult workers. Even having two progressive teen-agers who constantly challenge me to think differently help me grasp what their struggles and concerns are, under the surface. I can look in my spiritual rear view mirror and see how God has worked in the past year to break my old ways of thinking, acting and reacting and prepare me for a new level of ministry. God has prepared me for new relationships, new opportunities and is revealing a new vision that I would have never been ready for a year ago. Thanks be to God.

So what are my application points. Three things stand out:

o Reflection is important! Spending time thinking about where you have been allows you to be truly present in the here and now. Reflection can best be defined as seeking God’s presence in past circumstances. Listening to God’s whispers to you by God’s past actions. Reflection provides clarity.

o Process the past. Processing the past keeps it from interfering with the future. If we fail to process the past, the doubts and fears of the past hold us back from living in the “now” and preparing for the future. Process out loud, in a journal, with a friend, but process. It is amazing what you will see once you look back with a searching eye.

o Learn from the past. There are people in my life that repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Why? Because they fail to learn from the past. Reflecting is essential, processing is important, but until we learn from our past we can’t grow past it. Learn!

God is teaching me a lot about rear view mirror theology. Hebrews 11 reminds us that we stand on the shoulders of giants! God’s people have a forever history that prepares us for a forever tomorrow but we can only serve God in the today. A glance back helps us live now! Thank God I continue to be:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Initiating Change…

Change is a difficult thing! Having worked in a mainline denomination that is known to be change resistance I have come to realize that there are some key steps to initiating change that must be followed to insure acceptance. Now change is always hard and some people will never accept that change is needed but as we seek to reach more and different people for Christ we must change our methods while still clinging to the foundations of our faith.

Here is my plan for initiating change:

o Define core audience that provide financial viability

Somebody once said that a leader is two steps ahead of his followers and a prophet is ten steps ahead, and they stone prophets. In business, and even more importantly in ministry, you have to know who you have! You have to understand the context from which your ministry is grounded. Take some time and define who it is that provides the core of your existing ministry. Understand the locus of your center. This will allow for you to take the next step…

o Define target audience that will take you into the future

Once you know where you are you can define where you are going. A map is a wasted piece of paper until you know your current location. Then you can define destination. Step two involves defining target audience. The word “target” makes some church folks uncomfortable, but that is usually because they don’t want to admit that if you aim at nothing you will hit it every time. Define who it is that God is calling you to reach. Be specific. Write a description of the people that God is uniquely putting in your path to share the message of hope with. Once you have a clear picture, begin making friends with these people. Hang out where they hang out, move them in your understanding from abstract to actual, then you are ready for step three…

o Help core understand target

This is tough. Finding a way to communicate missional objectives to those who aren’t concerned with actual mission may be one of the toughest jobs in ministry. I have found that helping them understand the ministry target in terms of their family is most effective. Ask about their children or grandchildren (even better!) who don’t share their faith. Help them put a face on the people your church is uniquely positioned to reach. Again, moving them from abstract understanding to actual relationship is essential. Then…

o Interpret, interpret, interpret…

Every opportunity that arises, interpret the target to the core. Use pictures, stories, portraits of faith, [1] and anything else that helps core become burdened to reach the target. Once you begin intentionally seeking these opportunities they will become abundant!

o Initiate change

The key concept in initiating change is that my idea may be good, but your idea is better, at least in your eyes. Now, more than ever, it is time to get out of the way and let God work. As you begin to open up conversations about how to reach this new segment of people God is calling you to, if you have done your work, the core will have far more ideas, some more radical than you ever imagined, to implement. Resistance will be lessened (it is never gone completely) and by making it their idea, acceptance is increased. Change becomes the natural result of their burden to reach others.

Most of these lessons have been learned the hard way. Thankfully, God’s love abounds and I remain:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

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[1] A portrait of faith is a three to five minute testimony where somebody tells what God is doing in their lives right now. Not a recounting of their faith story, but a place where they are meeting God today. Brevity and intensity are the key concepts in a portrait of faith.

The Joy of Doubt

I used to be so sure. Everything was black and white, right or wrong, inside or outside. Life was clear, like a streakless sliding glass door. Then I woke up. Somewhere in the process of my ever-maturing faith the world got complicated. I started to doubt some things, then everything, but there is a joy in doubt.

I grew up in churches and denominations that only taught absolutes. To question the pastor or leader was akin to heresy. Rigid systems of behaviors molded my spiritual understandings that, to this day, plague me. As I grew older I began to realize that even those who taught these “truths” often did not follow every precept of their teaching. It was forbidden to dance, but you could smoke? Smoking doesn’t cause cancer? If the body was the temple of the Holy Spirit shouldn’t that have been forbidden as well. But, oh, I see, if tobacco farmers or their families are part of the congregation, and give money…

I remember when doubt started to creep in. I was fifteen, I really felt a strong call to ministry but I was in a Pentecostal church. My gifts were affirmed, the pastor had prayed over me and even said that God had laid it upon his heart that I would proclaim the gospel, but I had never spoken in tongues. I never experienced the effect of “glossolalia.” How could this be? I studied, prayed, went to church on Sunday morning, Sunday evening and Wednesday evening. I went to the altar almost every service, I felt God’s presence, but “it” never happened for me. Then I did the forbidden, I began asking questions. In the asking I found more questions, more ambiquity and less certainty, but I also found a God who allows questions.

Jesus said we could move mountains with faith the size of a mustard seed, which is actually as small as or smaller than a grain of sand. The good news about that statement is that isn’t a lot of faith and I really don’t want to move mountains, I just want to know Jesus.

Do I still doubt, YES. Now more than ever. But there is a joy in the doubt. One of my favorite professors, the late Dr. Thomas Langford once said, “God can handle your doubt because God believes in you.” Isn’t that great to realize? Especially if you are like me and have a hard time believing in yourself. The joy in doubt is also the realization that life is hard, complicated and often confusing. God knows that. My questions don’t bother God. Look at how many times Jesus didn’t answer the question, instead he simply asked a question. I will keep doubting, struggling and clinging to my last flicker of hope because I remain:

Lost in Grace,

Getting Lost…

We got lost. On the way to the Catalyst Leadership Conference (www.catalystconference.com if you would like to go next year which I highly recommend) we missed an exit, got turned around, went through a toll booth, had to turn around, go back through the toll booth and finally found our way. The next morning on the way to the arena, we missed a turn, had to turn around find the street and find our way again. It dawned on me how much like life that trip was.

I often say my favorite turn is the U-turn, but theologically and functionally. Every day we have the chance to turn around. To make course adjustments. To redirect our life and begin again. That is the story of the Gospel. God giving me (and you) a chance to get a divine “do over.” The chance to make a life U-turn. I think God for the chance to begin again.

You know the best part of being lost, is to be lost in community. I was lost with friends and our combined ability is why we are not still driving aimlessly around Duluth. What one could see the other had missed. Traffic was horrible, it was raining, people were rude but between the seven of us we were able to negotiate the obstacles, laugh at the situation and find our way. I think that is like life as well, you should always travel in community.

We are not meant to travel alone. We are meant to travel together so that we can watch out for eachother and let, in loving accountability, eachother know when we need to turn around. The key word there is love, because otherwise it is just me yelling at you or vice versa for not living life the way I percieve you should. The love allows us to realize that the other person in the community is actually more important that we are. Our desire then is to help them find their path and an amazing thing happens, our path also becomes clearer.

So next time you take my favorite turn (the U), don't get upset or frustrated (eventhough I probably will). Just smile and realize that sometimes everybody needs a little course correction and thank the friend who helps you make it. I remain:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Spiritual Foundations

Overwhelmed. I suppose that is the word that best describes my first year as the Director of Ministries with Young People for the Southeastern Jurisdiction of the United Methodist Church. I have had the wonderful opportunity to interact with thousands of young people and hundreds of youth leaders. It is amazing to watch six hundred teenagers proclaim the name of Christ in word and song. To hear testimonies about how God is working in their life and to pray with them at the end of a worship service. This may well have been the most powerful year of my ministry. But the work is not done, as a matter of fact, it has only begun.

The Barna Research Group asserts that if a person does not make a life-changing commitment to Christ before their 19^th birthday there is a 94% chance they never will. Additionally, their 2003 report stated that 58% of youth attending youth groups today won’t be attending church by their 30^th birthday. [1] The need for intensive, intentional and Christ-centered youth and young adult ministry is more acute now than ever before. We have to create environments where youth and young adults can make faith commitments in a non-coercive, non-threatening manner. We have learned over the years that fear-based commitments only last as long as the heat is on. We need to facilitate true “heart warming” experiences in the tradition of John Wesley. In order to do this we need to shore up the spiritual foundations of the Ministries with Young People division.

John Wesley once said, "Give me one hundred men [or women] who love only God with all their heart and hate only sin with all their heart, and we will shake the gates of hell and bring in the kingdom of God in one generation." This is the generation to do that, but we need your help. In order to shore up the spiritual foundations for our entire ministry we are recruiting one hundred Prayer Partners. These one hundred men, women or couples will commit to praying for the ministry, for me as the Director and for Nilse Furtado, the assistant director. During the summer you will pray daily for the summer staff and, perhaps, adopt one as your personal prayer focus.

Each month you will receive a prayer update listing the current ministry and personal prayer needs for me, the staff and the entire the MYP division. It will contain reflections, ministry events that need your prayers as well as Marty and Nilse’s personal requests and travel schedule so that you can hold them up before God as they move across the jurisdiction. Our goal will be to host a prayer summit for Prayer Partners, perhaps as early as March 2006, to lay the spiritual foundation for the summer events, grow in our spiritual lives together and pray for one another.

Would you consider partnering with us to shape the next generation of youth and young adult leaders for the United Methodist Church? Will you pray for God to work to allow us to reach more young people with the life-changing message of Christ? Will you commit to spending time before God on behalf of the next generation? If so, please complete the enclosed card and get it back to me as soon as possible or email me at youngpeople@sejumc.org

I look forward to God moving mightily thanks to your prayers. I remain:

Lost in Grace,

Reverend Marty Cauley,

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[1] http://www.youthspecialties.com/articles/topics/pastpresentfuture/scenarios.php

Wood , hay and stubble…

There is a great passage in the New Testament where Jesus explains to the Pharsees (the super-religious people of his day) that at the end of times, the works of their hands will be tried by fire and end up like wood, hay and stubble, burnt to ashes in the field. You ever have those days, the days of wood, hay and stubble? Where it seems that everything you have worked hard to accomplish really isn’t so much after all?

Another time the same religious folks come up to John the Baptist and ask him, “Are you the Messian?” he says, “I am not.” That is a great self-understanding isn’t it. “I am not.” If all the pain and trail I’m going through right now is teaching me anything it is that “I am not.” I am probably more aware now than I ever have been in my life of what I am not. I am not a great preacher. I mean I can hold a thought together and make people think, but so can a lot o others. I am no a great administrator, I struggle with this every day. I am not a good bureaucrat; I have a hard time negotiating the political system in which I am called to serve. I am not a great dad, my kids love me but I know where I have messed up there to. I am not, at the end of the day, much better than average at anything. But what am I?

Now there is a tough question. Today, where I sit and where I am, I don’t know. Oh, I know the spiritual answers; I understand the doctrine of imageo dei, that I’m created in the image of God. But my image, like your image, is just an image. Flawed, like looking in a funhouse mirror. I am painfully aware of my shortcomings. That is the funny thing about images; they are merely reflections of what is real.

Here lies the beauty of grace. God’s unmerited love, we don’t have to know. My doubt, like my faith, is a part of me. God is big enough to allow me to struggle. So on days, like today, when I have mostly doubt, with only a flicker of faith in anything left, is when I am glad that I am:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Waiting on the Bus

Waiting on the Bus…

I am not a good waiter. I don’t like to wait. I will scan the grocery lanes to find the shortest one often opting for the self-serve lane to just do it myself. Of course I inevitably get behind somebody who has never done it before and has about five hundred items.

I find myself at a strange place in my life. I have this strange feeling of waiting. I can’t really define what I’m waiting for but Jordan (my son) and I had a conversation last night about having the feeling that we are waiting for something. Some change, some development, some new and improved direction.

Right now, however, I’m waiting. I’m living in a house that isn’t really “mine.” It doesn’t feel like “home,” though I’m not really sure what “home” feels like. I’m still spending a lot of time learning the complexities of the organization I have been called to serve and the part of it that I have been chosen to lead. I’m waiting.

This reminds me of a lot of times when I was a child that my mother used to say, “Don’t wish your life away.” I was always looking longingly into the horizon and dreaming of another day. I would dream of another day, one better than today, one that was brighter and more settled.

There is a lot in the scripture about waiting. Jacob/Israel comes to mind as God allowed his unscrupulous Laben, to cause him to wait seven years for a wife then deceive him and have him wait another seven. Jacob learned to wait and it changed him. He spent that time wisely, preparing and learning.

So, I guess that is what I’ll spend my time doing. Preparing and learning. Tomorrow I begin a doctoral program to continue learning. I want to use this time, the time where I feel like I am waiting on the bus, to learn and allow God to speak to me. So that when the next phase comes I will be prepared to live like I am:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Being Sick...

Being Sick…

I’m not very good at being sick. In all actuality I stink at it.  Today I came home for the first time in over a year sick. My knees were wobbly, I had a serious headache and just felt horrible. The worst part of being sick is the inability to really do anything about it. So I came home and crawled in the bed and slept for about two hours. When I woke up I didn’t really feel any better and was still very weak. That is a feeling I despise.

I am a product of the American culture, though I wish it were not so. I came up with the “pull yourself up by your bootstrap” mentality. That is why I have such a hard time asking for help. It is hard for me to admit that I don’t have it all under control.

That is what God is teaching me through my best friend. To ask for help. To cry out. The Scriptures are filled with people crying out to God in their moment of desperation. This is so counter-cultural. To have to admit dependency.

We are all dependent in some fashion. We just don’t like to acknowledge it. I am learning to acknowledge that I am weak, but I serve a God who is strong. A God who is able to help me overcome all of my weaknesses. A God who loves me and allows me to remain:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Listening to Leaves...

Community…

So, the mountains are beautiful. Sitting alone in the early evening you can hear the leaves just starting to rustle and you’ll see one here and there changing from deep green to orange and yellow. You can tell by the cool nights that autumn is coming. The busyness here at the LJ had calmed down to almost a stop and we are preparing for winter events and making plans for next summer. It occurs to me as my best friend has gone back to central North Carolina and my staff has all returned to college how alone I am. My son, Jordan, and I have been looking for several months to find a community to worship and serve in, but have not been successful. In the words of my previous blog, “no cheeseburgers.” So we are continuing to look.

I’m learning a lot from my time alone though. I’m learning to listen to God in the rustle of those leaves. I am learning to worship as a discipline, not because I feel welcomed or embraced by the community. After more than a dozen years leading a congregation I am learning what it is like to sit in a congregation. This experience will make me a better pastor and leader if and when I ever return to leading a local church.

I am also learning that community is not necessarily about location as it is about relationship. Many of my friends, most of my best friends actually, live hours away. We are unable to communicate as often as we used to and certainly can’t see each other, but the knowledge that others are with you on the journey and holding you in their prayers and in their hearts is comforting even amidst the loneliness.

This week I struggled with being alone. Friday night I spoke with Lydia briefly on the phone and being four hours away from her broke my heart. As I was leaving work, late as usual, somebody asked me how I was doing and tears welled up in my eyes. I had been separated for a year on that day and somehow it was particularly acute all weekend. Being alone is hard.

When you serve a church there is always somebody to call upon, to visit, to call. You never really have to be alone, which is great for an extrovert like me. In this work that is not the case. There is not the instant source of community. A friend of mine called me excited about her newest place of ministry. To be honest I was jealous of how excited she was. She spoke of how wonderful the congregation was and how they embraced her. How great it was to work with a peer in ministry and of the great things they would be able to do together. That conversation, however brief, made me miss the local church work. I can’t believe that, the work that gave me most of the grey hair upon my head. The work that tore me up some days and caused me to cry out to God, and here I was missing it. I hung up the phone and felt a genuine sense of longing for a community. One like she described.

My call for now is to equip and to teach. This is my place. The lessons I’m learning will serve me well, as do most lessons that are hard learned. So, this evening, I’ll watch the wind whisper God’s presence through the changing leaves and see what God has to say to me…alone. I remain:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

Cheeseburgers are paradise...

Cheeseburgers are paradise…

In search of churches and cheeseburgers (

I like cheeseburgers. My best friend would tell you that I love cheeseburgers.  It is hard to contest that since in three days I’ve had at least two. I am particularly fond of bacon cheeseburgers. You know the ones, a quarter to a third of a pound or rare hamburger covered with a generous serving of thick sliced, peppery bacon and on top of that a huge chunk of melting, cheddar cheese (if you are not vegetarian, you may be getting hungry right now, if you are, sorry!)  

Now I don’t like fast food cheeseburgers, delivered, cooked and made in bulk. I like the ones you find at out of the way places. The kind of places you would walk buy were you not in search of the perfect bacon cheeseburger. My current favorite local place is O’Malley’s Pub in downtown Waynesville. I usually sit in the third booth across from the bar so I can listen to the loud banter of bar patrons and watch whatever soccer or football game in on the television above the counter.

A cheeseburger is an experience, not just a meal. The whole package contributes to the enjoyment. The noise and laughter at the bar, the clean white plate, the ice cold drink and, of course, the cheeseburger all combine to add to the pleasure. Now it might be just as good wrapped in aluminum foil and eaten in the car, but I doubt it.

My love for the perfect cheeseburger served the perfect way, in the perfect place mirrors my search for Christian community. For eight months my son, Jordan, and I (also a cheeseburger professional, as a matter of fact his are some of the best…ask for the recipe!) have been searching for a place to worship and serve. We’ve been to the equivalent of the drive through cheeseburger place, pre-packaged and formula driven. We’ve been to the gourmet place, that really doesn’t “do cheeseburgers.” We have even been to some churches that claim they got, “just what you need” but they don’t really. Something is missing.

Sometimes it’s the meat. I mean the place is good, it looks nice, the presentation is there, but when it comes down to sinking your teeth into something solid, the worship service’s theology leaves something to be desired. Sometimes it’s the bacon, overdone or underdone. Somehow the music just does not come across as heartfelt. Jordan put it this way, “they sing like they kind of like Jesus.” If I order a bacon cheeseburger, I want a BACON cheeseburger. Give me slabs of thick sliced, pepper seasoned bacon like mom used to fry up on Saturday morning. I don’t want bacon bits! Sometimes the cheese is missing or such a thin veneer that it is like it is not even there. The display of warmth by the people who are happy to be there is missing. There is one church we have attended more than half a dozen times and on several occasions no one, not even an usher, has spoken to us. Thus far the pastor has not even acknowledged our existence despite the fact that I’m a denominational official in his denomination. Phone calls have gone unreturned and we have been pretty effectively ignored. Lastly, sometimes the presentation does not work. You walk in and you can feel the tension. Almost hear the gasp if something is missed in the bulletin or a word is misspoken. There are no rolls of laughter and displays of joy. We were leaving one place last week and we watched the folks coming from where we had just been and the ones in a neighboring congregation of a different theological bent. The facial expression contrast was rather remarkable. Our people looked solemn while the others looked, well, joyous, kind of like the people leaving O’Malley’s on a Friday night after a burger and a pint.

So I have found a great cheeseburger, the church, on the other hand, not yet. Though, like my search for the cheeseburger I won’t quit. One last thing, I’m really not looking for perfection (at least not in the church). I have just been looking for community…you know “where everybody knows your name” or is at least willing to learn it and talk to you. I have served churches that were missing the bacon or the cheese. I understand the constant struggles inside an institution that is to human to succeed and too divine to fail. What Clara (old Wendy’s commercial lady) and I really want to know is, “where’s the beef?” Thankfully in my search I remain:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

“Where’s the Beef” commercial:
http://www.ifilm.com/ifilmdetail/2423864?htv=12

This is my AWESOME daughter Lydia! Yep, she is always that cool. She keeps me in touch with music, culture and helps me "get it." I love you Lyd!

The question is not...

“The question is not who is right, but who is living rightly?” Rob Bell

     I am a thoughtful evangelical. I affirm the traditional creeds of the Christian faith. I believe in the theological tenets of the faith but I have given up on judging others. Don’t get me wrong, I have spent a lot of my Christian life judging others by the standard of the church that I was attending at the time. Growing up I spent time in denominations that measured hems of girl’s dresses and lengths of boy’s hair. There were certain behavioral mandates that were absolutely mandatory (like no going to movies) and others that were not so strict (like smoking). By these sets of standards you knew who was “in” and who was “out.” If you weren’t careful, at any moment you could slip from being “in” to being “out.”
     I have had a recent experience with a large number of people who profess the name of Christ who have spent a lot of energy telling me who was “in” and who was “out.” Don’t get me wrong, some of them had some valid concerns. They were worried with theological issues that certainly deserve attention, but instead of asking questions and entering dialogue, they chose to hold up their divining rod and measure people’s convictions based upon their own understanding of Scripture.
     We do not interpret Scripture in a vacuum. I am very wary of people who say, “I just do what the Bible says.” They forget that their reading of the Bible is formed by ancient traditions and lenses that have been molded since the times of the Old Testament. No one comes to the Scripture without certain pre-conceived notions. Until the creation of the printing press, the Bible was ONLY read in the context of community, it was not a document for private devotion. The beauty of studying the Scriptures in the context of community is that others see the same text with different lenses, that forces you to challenge your assumptions and readings. Suddenly there is room for the Holy Spirit to work in and through the community to inform the text and transform our lives.
     I can not measure up to the mark. Jesus warns us not to judge unless we are willing to stand up to similar scrutiny. That is why I choose to be:

Lost in Grace,

Marty

PS. Great quote sent to me by a friend:
"Bigotry originates in the elevation of any group--political, ethnic, religious--above God's universal grace which creates humanity in the divine image.” Bishop Kenneth L. Carder

Hold on loosely...

Hold on loosely, but don’t let go…

That is a great song, isn’t it? If you are younger than thirty, you probably don’t remember it. I love that song but seem to be unable to practice the concept.

When I was a child my father left. When I say left, I don’t mean the every other weekend visitation, call a couple of times a week and buy big birthday presents type of left, I mean left. I would go months, sometimes years without hearing from him. He would send birthday cards during random months because he really didn’t know when my birthday was. Essentially, he abandoned his role as father, mentor and friend. He opted just to occasionally show up, stick his head in my life and then disappear again. I didn’t realize it until recently what an impact that had on me.

One incident stands out. I was about ten years old and it was October. Maybe that’s why I remembered it today, because up here in the mountains, the nip of fall is in the air. I am sitting on the front stoop of my house in Raleigh, waiting on my dad to make a promised visit to take me to the State Fair. He was supposed to be there by 8 a.m. to get an early start on the day, so I was waiting, on the porch, in my jacket, by 7 a.m. One hour passed, then another, then another. At 11 a.m. or so my father finally called my house, told my mother that something had come up and he wasn’t going to be able to make it. I don’t remember much about the rest of the day except I didn’t go to the fair and I spent most of the rest of the day alone. After that I didn’t hear from him until after Christmas.

I wait for people to leave. That is rather odd actually. For most people, they see people’s departures as a surprise. I anticipate it, to a fault. Actually, sometimes I’ve noticed that I actually help them to the door so I can control their departure. I keep people a safe distance away because if I let them get to close, their departure hurts all the more. It is easier to handle when people you keep at a distance leave because, well, you didn’t like them much anyway.

Jesus really messes this up for me. He reminds us that He will “never leave.” That is hard for me to grasp. I just have a hard time getting that God loves us so much that he wants to hang out with us, despite the baggage we carry and the burdens we bear. Despite past failing, pain and struggle, God won’t abandon us.

On of my favorite professors, Dr. Wm. Turner who teaches preaching at Duke Divinity School, once told me to look at the sermons I preach. Take a hard look, he advised, and there you will see the theological issues that you struggle with. The things that mold our lives, mold our proclamation. One of the themes that keeps reoccurring in my messages is that God will “never, no, not ever” abandon us. Kind of goes to Boehler’s advice to John Wesley, “preach faith till you have it. When you have it, preach it all the more.”

This morning I realized I was doing it again. Keeping folks at a safe distance. Not getting involved in the lives of others or letting them get involved with my life. I have lived here at the LJ for nine months and have no real friends here. I have acquaintances, folks I have a nodding relationship with, but nobody to call if I just wanted to talk. Guess I’ll have to walk out on that limb, start letting people in and not helping them to the door. This is going to be my challenge for the next few weeks asGod has begun working on me. I will let you know how it goes.

Thankfully I remain:

Lost in Grace,
Marty

This sign now hangs outside of my office at the LJ thanks to the Sunset organization who bought it and changed the name! Thanks Hal!

God of Grace or Judgment

God of Grace or Judgment?

     I received the most disturbing email this week that I may have ever gotten based upon a theological construct. A person sent me an article from a website, www.repentamerica.org that essentially implied that hurricane Katrina was God’s act of judgment upon New Orleans and the Gulf coast for allowing a large conference promoting immorality. I could not believe my eyes when I began to understand the basic premise of the article to be that God pulled a Sodom and Gomorrah, or a deluge like Noah’s on N.O. and that all the innocent people died because, well, every war has casualties. My stomach got sick at the thought.
     Now, I grew up informed by some pretty judgmental theology. Having been raised in radical Armenian Pentecostalism, I constantly doubted my salvation every time I had a wayward thought. I lived under a gospel of fear and trembling. I served a God who was out to get me. I worried that I would die after committing an incidental sin and burn in hell just because of an error in cosmic timing. That is the flawed and bewildering theology that this article is based upon.
     Proof texting is when you look in the Bible to find what you want, not to let the Scripture find and transform you where you are. You pull a verse here and there to prove your point without being informed by the whole canon of the text. If you do that, you can justify almost anything. You can easily develop a theology of judgment and fear.
     Is that the God you serve? Now, don’t get me wrong. I believe that God calls us into accountability and judges us. I also believe that only God is fully capable of judging us. What I also believe is that Christ died for all of our sins. The sins of the past, present and future are forgiven. The more I have been informed by the whole canon of Scripture, the more I realize that what God seeks is an open and contrite heart earnestly seeking Him. That God is not out to get me.
     That is still, to this day, a hard concept for me to grasp. I play those soul tapes of condemnation and fear whenever I slip. I look up and await fire and brimstone to fall from heaven and consume me. Slowly the Holy Spirit as been able to crack my bad theology and fill my soul with grace based theology. I am being taught by two different people who have a fuller developed grace theology that are helping me grasp the amazing fullness of the Gospel. I am finally beginning to understand what it means to be…

          Lost in Grace,
          Marty

Just so you know...

First of all, some of the posts are out of actual chronological order because, well, I'm cyber-challenged. Not that it is that big a deal...just thought you should know.

Secondly, these musings are the thoughts, reflections and insights of my soul. They are a peak inside...thanks be to God that I am...

Lost in Grace,
Marty

This is Kenna and Hanna...two disappointed children after DQ ran out of ice cream...LOL


Dairy Queen was out of ice cream. That was a tragedy. It was late on Saturday night and I was traveling with a friend and two tired five year olds (yes I am a brave soul). I saw up ahead the promise of culinary redemption...Soft serve ice cream. I love Blizzards, to near addiction status. After a long day at the theme park this would be the perfect snack for the ride home. We walked into the DQ, strolled up the counter and put the money down only to find out they were OUT OF ICE CREAM. How could this be? Isn't it the purpose of the DQ to have ice cream? Isn't that the sole reason they exist? Don't you only bet a hot dog or fries at the DQ as a precursor to ice cream? It was very disappointing.

Sunday morning came and I was speaking to two hundred and fifty youth when it occurred to me that many of our churches are like that DQ. They are missing their essential purpose, connecting people to God. That is why the church exists. It is not to have dinners and fund raisers for worthy causes, though those aren't bad things. It exists to connect people to God. If the Church fails to connect people to God, doesn't it cease to be the church? What if my church, your church, the Church, woke up and realized that essential truth? What difference would that make? Of course it would mean they would have to get serious about 'going deeper.' I remain:

Lost in Grace,
Marty

Love is...

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not puffed up....sound familiar? I Cor. 13 is an awesome insert between chapters 12 and 14 that just kind of halts the flow of the letter and says, now a word from our sponsor...God. This is the kind of life you ought to live, a life of LOVE.

Now I'm not talking about LUVVV....you know the mushy, movie fantasy stuff of happily ever after. I'm talking about the stuff you have to struggle with every day. I mean come on, "Love bears ALL things?" WOW...that is a big demand. ALL things is a lot of things. It bears pain, heartache, struggles, hurt, joy, bliss, tears and laughter. That's the life of love we are after, the life of love that bears all things.

I'm glad we have Jesus to show us that stuff because, you know what, otherwise we wouldn't get it. I used to believe in happy ever after. I want to again, but today I believe that Christ shows us what true love is about. "Greater love has no one that to lay down their life for a friend..." Do you have a friend who you would lay down your life for? Do you have one who would lay down their life for you? Now that is a friend worth having! Thanks be to God that I remain:

Lost in Grace,
Marty